Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
