nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize