things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
