there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
