in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
