I didn't shave. On purpose
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
