I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
