I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize