i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
