If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
