I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
