mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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