maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
