I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
