She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
