remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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