This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
