Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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