i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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