i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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