Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
