so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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