; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
