Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
