Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize