do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
