seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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