singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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