apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
