I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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