you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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