We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
