Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
