i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
