I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
