Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
