there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
