How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
