i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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