what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
