I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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