I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
