I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
