once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
