Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize