we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
