I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
