You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
