My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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