part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
