I didn't shave. On purpose
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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