i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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