I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
