So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
