how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
