It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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