yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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