That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
