# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
