Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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