so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
