I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
