I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
