i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
