How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
