It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
