maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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