i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
