dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
