Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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