I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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