I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
