I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
