we have officially lost it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
