We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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