The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
