I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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