I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
