dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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