Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
