Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm having to shit out rocks
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