is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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