How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just threw up on my dentist
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
