Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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