I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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