I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
