Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize