Got a toothbrush?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
