I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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