his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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