STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
