Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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